Give Life

This story, a true story. I have been writing this in my mind for a couple of months now. I have seek for permission and I now pen it down with only one purpose and that is… we must always give God a chance to right your life.

Sometime, late last year, I received a message “…I am struggling thru’ my days…trying very hard to be strong, to believe, forget about hatred, to forgive, to be patient, to heal the hurt…” When you received a message like this, you just want to know the reason and quickly offer help. Thinking of ways to ease the pain and hurt. Sometimes, the best solution isn’t giving the right answer. It is riding the journey with the person.

It was a story of the a young lady getting pregnant before marriage. She found out she was pregnant just as she was starting her overseas studies. Yes, she was already overseas, school has started and she was well settled down. A bright future awaited her. At that moment of discovery, everything came to a sudden brake. She was lost, the issue was too great to handle by herself. She called the boy involved, the boy flew over and wanted to look for a clinic to abort the baby. She didn’t want to, she wanted to keep the baby but boy refused to. Not prepared to get married as he too was about to start his University life. She was helpless and the only refuge was home.  That was when my friend text me.

I always count it an honour and a privilege when friends come to me. It show that they count me worthy to enter into their inner world. I do not take it lightly, I honour it and I value it. However, I am only human, the first thing I do is that I turn to the one who has created me. “Use me, oh Lord!”

“You are a great mother because at your girl’s darkest moments, she thought of home and she thought of her mother. Your girl could have aborted the baby overseas, carry on with her studies and no one would have known about the whole event. Instead, she had taken the courage to face her problem and her family. There must have been something which you have done right in order for your girl to seek refuge from her mother and at home.”

For any mum to face with such an issue, it is no easy journey especially when the boy and his family have not made things easy. It takes unconditional love, love in spite of, love no matter what…to accept it and move on with your daughter.

So many times, I give out advice on unconditional love but for the very first time in my life, I witnessed unconditional love. To love with no strings attached, to love with zero conditions. Forgoing all the tens of thousands of dollars spent sending her daughter for overseas education, the mother said “come home.”

Coming home meant facing a new set of problems. We being Asians, we staying in Asia, what would others think of a young girl with a big belly moving around. What would relatives and friends think of us? Ponder….is it worth sacrificing a life just to keep our ‘face’? The days and months were painful for my friend. The things she shared through text messages were painful. The problem is often not an issue but how one cope with it is the real deal.

I praise the mother’s unceasing love. Slowly, she revealed the incident to her relatives. She did not hide her daughter from society, she did not keep her under wraps. This brought the family together…closer.

I salute the young girl’s courage and determination. Her maturity is beyond even some of the older women I know. She went on to apply for local University. She went on to look for a job and actually started work in a cafe. As for my friend, she started knitting for the baby. Did all the shopping and getting ready for the baby’s arrival. The hurt and pain have turned into joy. 

A family must be a fort, a family must be a shield.

It would have been a deeper hurt, a longer pain if the baby was aborted. Two wrongs will never make one right. Give God a chance to right your wrong. Give life  a chance.


The gift of God

Note: Abortion is legal in Singapore and it can be carried out on request during the first 24 weeks of gestation. I hope you know that at 24 weeks, the baby is fully capable of feeling the pain. I have seen a good friend who had to birth her baby at 22 weeks and is now a four-year-old handsome boy after receiving much love and undivided attention from his parents. Give life a chance!

Every face tells a story

One of the requirements for my counselling course was sharing our life history. To share at our comfort level. After all, being a counsellor, we must be comfortable to share and to listen another’s story. Empathic listening is the one thing every counsellor must do.

One by one, my course mates shared. It was really a privilege to be allowed into their world. Truly, every face has a story behind it. Without them telling, I would be clueless as to what kind of life they had in the past and what kind of life they have now. We often envy what others have but we failed to see what we have but others do not have.

This is what it is all about
 
Me : How was your 作文  exam?
Kai : I tried my best
Me : Good. What was the title?
Kai : 一个能令我学习的人
Me : Wow...so who did you write?
Kai : You and papa
Me : (I felt a lump in my throat)

I almost cried. When I made up my mind some 10 over years ago to be a full-time mum, to be the main caregiver to our children, all I wanted was to give them the best. As years passed and as they grew up, all I wanted was that they would become man and woman of character.

When I heard Kai told me  that he wrote about emulating us in his Chinese essay, I was very touched. It was not about us being the great parents, it was about us leaving something in his life that he was able to write about. It was about him, being able to write about his parents in his essay. Now, which teenager would want to do that and do that in their school essay? I have always instilled in Kai and Ann, never be afraid to be different. More so for Kai when he went into secondary school where peer influence could be very great. I drilled and I drilled…speak up, stand up for what you believe in. The phrase “no herd mentality” is often heard in our home.

Today, I see my son personifying it!

Health is wealth if you still doubt it…

 I went for my practicum briefing at St Theresa’s Home. As I walked up the slope, memories just flooded my mind. Some 30 odd years ago, I was at the same home. It was then known as the Little Sisters of the Poor. I was just a student and was with the Red Cross Society. I was there with my team to do some voluntary work for the elderly. Roll back to the present, I am now a mother of two and back to where I first did my voluntary work.

The premise is beautiful. I salute to all the beautiful hearts who have put their heart and soul into making this place so serene, filled with tranquillity for the 200 elderly residents who are living the last lap of their lives. This is indeed giving them the full respect and dignity as they live out their life to the fullest.  I went home with so much emotions and deep thoughts.

The Hamlet in me surfacing.

I think having a great home, having the space to move around were great ideas. The home even has their own mini-mart for the elderly to do their own shopping. It gave them a sense of ownership and responsibility. What a nice idea. However, all the residents were wheelchair bound. It saddened me so much to see some of them longing for their families and friends to visit them. Some, just stood and looked out of the windows with a forlorn look. What was going on in their mind, what were their thoughts? Was it a hope for a family member to come, was it a look into their past, how they were strong and healthy then or was it just a wait for the last day of their journey on earth?  Thinking of my own parents, they really take care of themselves. Nothing to do with eating the best tonic. It is just living simply. They sleep early, wake up early (the wake up early, I pick from them but sleep early…erm…), believe it or not, they still sleep with no aircon, fish is their main diet and regular check-up. I am thankful to God for blessing them.

“Health is better than wealth” took on a new meaning today.

Friends from Kenya

We are the United Nations family. Our friends from Kenya came over for dinner. Remember Gabriel? I blogged about him some years back. A former Asean scholar who left the high life to go over to Kenya to start the Tana River Life Foundation. Amazing guy. This time he came back and we had the privilege to invite he and his boys to come over to have dinner. It was a great time to listen and understand more about what he has been doing. He has been there for 18 years already and he has helped put a group of African kids to university. Only passion and a calling could get a person to let go of all comfort so that others could have a little more.
Here is a video clip a friend had helped put together.

We are privileged to be able to help out in our small little ways.


Two men with big hearts

 
Having a game of virtual golf and bowling

“If there is anything I can do, let me do it now for I will never pass this way again.”

Kaisu (afraid to lose) parent for once

Yes, for the very first time, the spouse and I became kaisu parents. Ann is only 10 year old. She has two more years to go before she sits for her PSLE and decide which secondary school to go to. Last weekend, we brought her to SOTA (School of The Arts) open house. It was meant for P6 kids. Since Ann is into ballet and we were free, why not.

The school is impressive. Big, loads of space and first class facilities. They even have two fully equipped auditoriums (they may have more)…and who say all schools are the same ah?

We attended two dance showcases. The girls were good. There were three boys. I admired their courage to go against the norm and most of all, I respect their parents for allowing them to pursue their dreams.

Ann was captivated. She enjoyed the performances thoroughly. She went home and started practicing her splits. I think, going for the open house was a great idea. It gave her a goal to aim for. Being strong willed need not be a bad thing. If I am able to help her transform this trait into something positive, it becomes, determination. 



And who says we need foreign talent? This piece caught our attention. It was called pop-corn.
     
Do you get it? So good isn't it.

Stressful days, depressing days but all is well with my soul

I haven’t been writing much cos I have been busy with my daily chores, studies and of course managing my kids. Ann has been really difficult for the past weeks and months. She is stressed. I don’t blame her. The amount of work that is given to a 10 year old kid is crazy. The teachers are busy finishing the syllabus and the kids are busy with completing their homework. Absolutely right, there is no learning. It makes me wonder what is the purpose of education. Where is the change?

As a young kid, she doesn’t know how to cope with this new found stress. She released by shouting at us and of course, being a stay-at-home-mum, I get the most of it. When she goes into a frenzy, there is no stopping her. I am laden with a heavy heart. My only refuge is to stuff earphones into my ears and just listen to God’s words. A comfort and I try the darnest to stay calm.

But when the shouting went on for days, the patience runs out and on one occasion, I actually slapped her on her face. A wake-up slap that you do not shout at your mother, you do not show disrespect to your mother. Unimaginable, that coming from me. It hurt her physically but it damaged me emotionally.

When all has calmed down, what do I do? Apologise. Yes, good mum apologises. Yes, good parenting is about eating the humble pie not without first explaining why you react the way you reacted. That the behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.
The flour has gone stale, the sugar has turned into rocks. I have no time for baking therapy. It is just do, do, do….

I think, my lessons in class are my therapeutic sessions.


This is one gadget that is a need.


This is what I have learned in class. Where do you belong? Most people are placating. They try too hard to give in. Ann belongs to the blaming part. I really have to help her, I really need to.


I agree. “The problem is not the problem, coping is!”