So much, so overwhelming, so stressed

It has been a stress-filled month. Two assignments and one project due. Home renovation and practicum to do. Yes, it has been one crazy month. I was half-way through my second assignment but decided to blog instead. Therapeutic.

Also in physical pain. Three mouth ulcers and I have a parent to meet tomorrow. I pray I will get better. You know, counselling is very therapeutic. Although, it is not for me, somehow the words that come out from my mouth, is so calming for myself.

Last week, I saw a girl. She doesn’t know who is her biological father. She now stays with her stepfather and her mother has remarried. So, “I have three fathers!” How complicating can one’s life get.

The year is ending soon. Ann will be in P5 next year and Kai sec 3 and I will be in my final year for my study. Stressed? I ain’t see nothing yet. But I promise myself that I will not get sucked into the lab and be one of the rats. Ann and Kai have more or less know what they want and what they are aiming for. I am not going to interfere. I think what they want is fine with me. No, I will not tell them they can’t make a living out of it. I was at the Eric Moo’s concert. He talked about his success journey. The only reason he went to school was for music. He failed his ‘O’ levels twice and failed his ‘A’ levels. Didn’t go to Uni but ended up in the Uni of LIFE. Wrote beautiful songs but was rejected three times. On the fourth try, he was discovered. The rest is history. Of course, the kids now live in a more complicated society but as long as they can find peace with themselves, that’s enough.

Ok, time to get back to my work! Before that, let me share with you one of my personal favourite.

I must write this down

I had a strange encounter last week. The sales manager from the movers was here to do the assessment. Nice, elderly man. After he has done what he was supposed to do, on his way out, he asked if this was a Christian family. I said yes! Then he started sharing with me his three dreams.

Dream 1
He dreamed of a beautiful church building. It was magnificent and very majestic. Very impressive. The strange thing, it was an empty church.

Dream 2
He was at a wedding ceremony. He was standing at the door, looking at the aisle. The bridegroom was at the end of the red carpet waiting but there was no bride.

Dream 3
He was at the wedding banquet, only the host was there and there was no guests.

Ok, I don’t want to spiritualise everything but I also believe that nothing happens by coincidence.

These three dreams were very similar to the thoughts and feelings I have been carrying…

1) Will a church building become so majestic and “upper class” that no one dares to step in? Or, it has become a life-less building?

2) Where is everyone when they are needed?

3) Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding feast is ready, but those invited were not worthy.  Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.’  And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests. (Matt 22:8-10)

The church must represent a place where people can boldly walk in and feel secured.

Oh, my birthday?

25th October has always been a special day for me. Even looking at the numbers, they felt special. Strangely, not this year. I almost forgot. The spouse asked me if I would like a birthday lunch or dinner. I said, “maybe lunch would be better since Ann has school the next day.” “But your birthday would be on a Saturday.” Oh, yes, I forgot.

I told myself, I would be turning 49 but a friend reminded, it is 48. Gasp, why did I want to age so fast. Perhaps, the age matters no more. Or the busyness of this period got into me.

On the day itself, it was the spouse again “Happy Birthday, Lao Po”. Oh yes, it is my birthday, today!



 
Ahhh…nice place for a birthday dinner with people I love…
away from the crazy crowd on a Saturday night!


My son. You got to love him unconditionally. I love you..in spite of.

Son : You still look the same!
Mum : Don’t bluff. You mean you were around 48 years ago?
Son : Ok, 14 years ago.
Mum : You mean when you were born, you already know how I looked?
Son : Mums…ok… 10 years ago and now, you still look the same!


My daughter. The free spirit. You got to give her space to bloom!

Ann : Ya, seriously, you know, seriously, you still look the same!
Mum : I have wrinkles now.
Ann : Where got wrinkles. Those are smile lines
Mum : You don’t end up as a lawyer, it will be a waste!
Ann : You haven’t change at all!


Thank you for the positive stroking, my children!


The spouse. Thank you for remembering, thank you for celebrating this special day!


The family is one of nature’s masterpieces. You don’t choose them, you just have them.

Oh yes, how can I forget the food!


The cheese platter. The blue cheese was the best. The rest are good quality cheese!


Ann’s lobster pasta. Portion just nice for her.

 
Mummy’s seafood platter. Ann asked why must have foam. Hahaha. Class mah!

 
The spouse’s duck confit. Crispy skin with tender meat.

 
Kai’s beef tenderloin. The one below is mash potatoes. Kai equate that to my mash potatoes! I got class too!

All in all, good food not costing an arm or leg. Just nice for a special occasion.

Finally…

Dessert which double up as my birthday cake. (From left to right)
Almond cream puff. Superb. Very fresh cream.
Blue berry cheese cake. Kai said it was good. It has to be good coming from a no-cake eater.
Hot lava cake. Rich, creamy chocolate, the cake just melt in your mouth.
Mango sorbet with crusty base. Very special. Nice!
Creme Brulee. Texture is just nice. Top nicely caramelised, not burnt.

Beautiful night, beautiful place with wonderful company. Oh yes, there was even fireworks nearby to celebrate my birthday…*wink*

To myself, to  more good years! Cheers

I think the stage will be her second home

 

Ballerina’s Poem
by Miranda Snow

Never will I be covered in tattoos
My legs and toes shall forever stay bruised.
I’ll never paint or carry a tune
Forever and ever, I’ll wear a tutu.

I won’t dye my hair pink or blue
My piercings will stay as the simple two
Nails cut short and hair in a bun
In ballet, this must be done.

Pink tights by the mound
Bobby pins all around
Leotards on the floor
Pointe shoes by the door.

Toes taped so tightly
Smiling big and brightly
Red lipstick adding to her beauty
The dancer moves so smoothly.

Turned out from my hips
No words coming from my lips
I dance sweetly to the sound
Ooh ballet, to you, I am bound.

Full of grace, never haste
Filling perfectly my costume of lace
Ever so sweet, my dancing feet
Step after step, I repeat and repeat.

Obtaining perfection is my key
It’s what I strive for, it’s all that defines me
Pushing harder and harder to reach my goal
It’s what I live for, ballet is my soul.

My toes may bleed
And my knees, grow weak
But I’ll never stop dancing…
Not until I reach my peak.

Pirouette, Pirouette
Dancer’s silhouette
Practicing at dusk
Dedication is a must.

Stretching my limbs
Choreographing on a whim
Alway aiming to be stronger
To hold my arabesque longer.

When I do finally reach that triple pirouette
and all is done and all is set
I put myself back into class
Aiming for a fourth, to be better than the last.

This is the life of a dancer en pointe
Risking the health of her feet, legs and joints
Just for that one perfect moment on stage
Where the ballerina stands tall and all are amazed.

Another low EQ

I had my first 1.5hrs session with my new supervisor. I am already missing Ms Trina Tan. If not for the distance, I would NOT change my supervisor. Ms Tan really brought out the best in me. I would want to have her again as my supervisor when I do my Masters.

I think Ms Low is lacking in EQ. It was my first meeting with her and I greatly appreciate the fact that she offered to pick me up near the MRT station. However, her instruction was not clear and I ended up at the wrong place.

“So far, I only had two students who couldn’t find the bus-stop.” A person with a higher EQ would have said “So far, I only had two students who couldn’t find the bus-stop but it is ok, the next time, you would not have any problem.”

When we reached her house, I was led to her “office”. She had a chair and a sofa. I was heading towards the chair but she asked me to sit at the sofa. Why the difference? It made me extremely uncomfortable. I was not there for therapy. I was not her patient, I was a supervisee. She was too rigid, too “stiff upper lip”. Definitely, not my style, first impression fail!

Yes, I know she knows a lot. So does Ms Trina. I mean, Ms Trina is a lecturer for Counselling. She has been doing this for many years. Never, has she once talked about how much she knows. Ms Low spent a considerable amount of time talking about her years in counselling, helping with its syllabus, she is also supervisor to students from Monash, UNiSim , etc, etc….

People, need to learn to be humble especially when you are in the people’s business!

I shall not allow her attitude to deter me from learning. I shall “squeeze” every drop of knowledge from her *wink*!

It has been quite a while…

I have been very occupied these months. With what?

• we are shifting (there is a story behind this, a story of obedience and a journey of faith) another time
• Kai’s and Ann’s examinations
• my study, my counselling sessions, meeting my supervisor
• and of course my daily duties as an individual

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Client J

He said he has no dreams, no goals in life. He said that if he set goals and if he doesn't get it, it would be very upsetting so he doesn't want to set any goals. Wants to be a gammer and earn money.  Throughout the conversation, he was always mimicking fighting actions. I am not sure if this is healthy. It could be a sign of being addicted to computer games. He lacks social awareness skills, I feel it is due to his condition. Looking at his school history, it seems like there has been no intervention for his ADHA condition. He has never been trained how to socialise as an ADHD kid. He is obviously unaware that his action caused discomfort to others. His behaviour is normal to him but others are not comfortable and therefore keep a distance from him.  I have an ADHD nephew and he attended Pathlight Primary School and he is now 16 years old and coping very well in school. Parents cannot be in denial, parents must step up to help.


Client B

Client told me his parents were separated 1 1/2 years ago. Mum is suffering from cervical cancer, stage 3. She has undergone treatment and returned to work because she has to support 3 sons. Dad was violent and often came home drunk. Client told me that dad may have a daughter outside. B said that his brothers are violent and are gamers. He felt very happy that his dad left them because the home is now very peaceful but on the other hand, he was sad because they no longer could do things together. He missed those times when his dad drove the family out to have fun.  It was very painful listening to my client. He is just a 15 year old teenager who should be enjoying his youth but he is hurting inside.  B is such a matured boy. He saves up his allowance and put it in his bank so that if his mum is short of cash, she can take the money from his back.  If I have only one wish in my life, I will wish for all the children of the world to have happy childhood.

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Parents, if we are a gadget addict yourself. If we are spending too much time checking our emails, browsing our FB (seriously, do we really have to do that. Didn’t we live a normal life without checking our emails and FB all the time), remember, there is more to life. Parents, if we think stuffing a screen right in front of our kids can give us a peaceful time to have a good meal, think again! Parents, don’t blame our teenagers for spending so much time in front of the PC if we have trained them to do so since they were young.  Parents, time to reclaim our lives!

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I shared about Ann sometime ago. We decided to send her for an assessment. The result came out…

 

 

 

Ann has a very high IQ. This was what the psychologist said “A 13yo child trapped in a 10yo body.” He explained why Ann didn’t make it for the GEP , a former educator himself, he said that every GEP has their own structure. Likewise for our system here. Ann is beyond that and we have to engage her differently. Emotionally, as a 10yo, she is not be able to cope with the kind of stress in school. We have to learn to help her.

Didn’t I always say, every kid is different even if they come from the same parents. That’s how God has created them. DIFFERENT! The many hours of praying for her, commiting her before God, have reaped lots of good results. She is definitely more controlled with her emotions. I have learned to release her to do what she wants and I have learned to trust her to know what she is doing.  For a start, we will submit her application to MENSA. We cannot let her potential go to waste. She is made for greater things!

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 Kai is having his SA2 now. He has picked his subject combination for Sec three (seems like only yesterday, he just entered Sec one). Double Science Double Math Literature (this is a must. I am so glad his teacher also encourages him to do it. Without Lit, we have no soul!) Geography Heavy, heavy stuff. We have to believe in him and HIM

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Well, as for yours truly, no matter how busy, Tuesdays are my exercise day. To keep healthy, that, I must make time for it!  There, you go. A very fulfilled life filled with stress and blessings. These days, I don't waste my time on unimportant things. I want to choose to count my blessings!  

Next phase

I will be starting my second stage of my course. In this stage, my practicum site will be a secondary school. Yesterday, I went down to meet the vice-principal. Heart-wrenching real stories were shared.

- a girl became an orphan while in school. Mother died when she was very young, father died of a massive heart attack one morning while she was in school
- a boy filled with guilt because his aunty blamed him for making her a spinster as she had to look after him while both parents were in lock-up
- a boy came to school with a fractured arm because mum, threw a chair at him…so many more.

How can our lives revolve just “what car should I drive?” “what house should live in?” “what game should I have?” "what should I eat, where should I go" …

Reaching out to these children will put my life at risk, so God, help me, please

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Three essays, one research work, one examination. Gosh....if I have been disciplined, I need to be three times more disciplined!