this and that from mama

"Brain Dead"

After a long break of 15 years, I was back at the examination hall yesterday. 3hrs and 45mins non-stop writing. As one ages, toilet break becomes a must. No time to write still need to rush to the toilet. I now fully empathise with all school children who have to sit for essay exams, two in a day, over two to three weeks. If you think it is easy, go try doing one.

Not just the bladder giving problem, the eyes also. You know, 'lao hua'. Wear my classes, head went dizzy, can't wear it for too long. Then there were the wrist and fingers, no longer write fast. If I push them too hard, they punish me, the writings become alien to me. So much to write. Case studies on a man who wanted to call it quits and a young child who has just been abandoned by mum. Demanding!!! How do you tell how you want to help them in 225 minutes! Brain went dead! I hope the markers are kind and could empathise.

After that, it was back to the role of being a mum. Frustrations and stress but I guess Ms Pol was right. We mums, who stay at home, tend to do too much, give too, care too much, love too much. So much so that we are often taken for granted. It is a thankless job, it is a job we choose to do and so have to accept whatever that comes with it but it is also a job where we can put an end to it. Time to back off. Time to release the string. Time to move on to the next chapter.

Happy, joyful, a sense of satisfaction!

B and J are my first two clients. I counselled them last year and after five sessions with them, I am really happy with their progress.

B is now independent. He can manage his emotions, his feelings. He is motivated to do well for his coming 'O' levels. He has gone back to church. He told me that going to church helps him to feel a sense of calmness. He told me that he does not get into trouble anymore.

J is autistic. It was rather difficult talking to him at first because he was always, I mean always talking about his computer games and all the fighting, battles, killing. All I did was just listen. I guess no one wanted to listen to all his talking and here I was, all ears, listening to what he wanted to say. On the fifth session, I told him if I could now talk. That was when I was allowed into his inner circle.

J taught me what it takes to look beyond a person's shortcomings. When the masks are off, a beautiful person emerges. I pinky word with J, that he must always learn self-control and promise that no matter what, he would never hurt himself.

J said : "I hate pinkies" (but gave me his pinky finger) Haha!

J isn't the most handsome dude, not your goody good boy but I think he surpasses some of the most handsome, good dudes I have ever seen in terms of personality and character.

I didn't teach them to be better but they taught me how to be better... a better therapist. Thank You.

Listen to that gut feel, it is always almost 100% right

I just need to let this out...

In 2012 when I first came back from Shanghai, found out that my friend had throat cancer. He was feeling down.

After a full cycle of radiotherapy, he was up and running again. I saw him a few months later, he was back to his usual self. Then we each went on with our lives...

Towards end of last year, I kept having the thought of calling him to ask how was he doing but kept pushing it back. House renovation, shifting, studies, I just did not make that call. Over the last weekend, I found that he has passed away and the funeral was over. He had a relapse and suffered for 8 months. Chemotherapy didn't help. He basically gave up.

Never put away time spent with people. Things can wait but not people. I wonder why I allow doing to take over being this time? I spent a lot of time telling people to spend time with people. I read a lot about people who live with regrets because they didn't make that last call, say that last wish, eat that last meal...in spite of all these knowledge, I didn't act on it. I should have gone up to his office when I was just downstairs, I should have, if only…ask all I want, nothing could turn back the clock.

This friend was just a contractor but I have known him since Kai was eight months old. He has been doing all my homes. I call him a friend because he was such a trustworthy person. How trustworthy? I could renovate my house from Shanghai. I lost a good friend, a good person, a good contractor…a very rare find.

You may think that I am being silly but I guess that was how I was created, perhaps, this episode would make me an excellent therapist in future. Perhaps, this was the episode I have to go through to emerge an excellent people helper.

This is how I feel and therefore who I am. You can be passive but I am passionate.

Sigh.... always, always listen to that little voice, that gut feel is always right.

Do what I want, say what I want but always act responsibly.

What she did last December

A peek into what Ann was up to last December.

To pursue the path of dance is not easy in Singapore but if that is where her talent lies, she has my strongest support!

We were back again…(Part 3)

Sight, sound (oops, you cannot hear) and food.

These last two pictures reminded me of China.

This coconut is to die for. Coconut ‘flesh’ buried beneath with coconut ice-cream, topped with roasted coconut shavings, peanuts, corn. Sedap!

Go Malacca, must not miss chendol!

That's all folks!

We were back again…(Part 2)

One of the highlights for this trip was going inside a submarine. Seriously, how many of us have the chance to get inside a submarine. It was a great experience for 3 ringgit, thanks to my nephew who did a search and found this Submarine museum